Friday, April 13, 2007

The super deluxe confidence deal

You’re a low confidence midget who’s not good with words? You can’t count your friends on one hand because it’s too embarrassing? You’ve been compared to Steve Urkel?

Fear no more, for it is super crap advertising that is here! We’re offering you the unique super deluxe Confidence pack for only 299.99$! Don’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity to change! If you buy within the hour it won’t cost you 299.99$, but ONLY 199.99$! that’s a 100$ PROFIT! Hurry and E-mail me for more information about this fantastic product and you might be one of the lucky nerds to win A BOWL OF CHARISMA!

The intelligent marketing team

Different ways to lose fat!

As globalisation provides us with increasing wealth and trade, our variety in choice of food consumption also grows. Needless to say, we have a lot of fat people these days. These fat prototypes of humans are an excruciating pain in our national budget.

Public chairs and toilets are at danger of being broken, our roads decay much quicker than usual and during stretching exercises in gym classes, some fatties look like what could only be described as a walrus flossing.

To secure our world’s beauty, economy and pride we must install a fat tax immediately! For every percentage over 20% fat you’ll have to pay a fine of 1% of your pay check which will be used for a new social weight loss program.

For too long have we just accepted this repulsive overload of fat… we need to take action, now!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Controlled Democracy

We all know our fellow human is getting dumber and dumber and that our sources of fine and lettered reading are becoming increasingly harder to find. Therefore we are, in the upcoming elections, largely dependant on a group of dumb people (And I’m not even talking about congress)
This calls for some drastic measurements to save our world from stupidity!

A person who wishes to become a registered voter must first take an IQ test. The person’s score will be anonymously uploaded onto his electronic voting card without his score being revealed to him.

The following rules will then apply:

- If the person has a score of over 100, his vote will count.

- If the person’s score is between 90-100 it won’t count

- If the score is under 90 it will count as a negative vote for who ever he voted for.

The same criteria count for elected politicians. If they don’t match an IQ of over 100, they’re fired!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Damn you Google!

I put up a few google ads out of curiosity (fine, because I want to make money off you!) and I quickly found myself to be annoyed by it… I never asked for an ad search bar on top and I never asked for ads about bulimia or Mary Kate Olsen either!


On a slighter note, I presume that no one’s upset because of my greed. And if you are feel free to comment on it.

Sweet irony of a peaceful religion

Since we can't always be so serious, I'll post a poem I made once:

I told someone I like to help
Because it makes me feel good
I told someone I want world peace
Because it takes the guilt away
I told someone I never hate
Because it only attracts more hate
I told someone I don't discriminate
Because it means we're not all the same
I told the same guy I don't believe in Jesus
He told me I would rot in hell

Abortion: The revenge

I think we’re all quite clear on this, it’s okay to abort! But lets make a slightly bigger step… What if after you’ve given birth, you decide your baby’s too ugly, he cries too much, or he looks just a slight bit too much like the milkman…

Well the liberal/progressive party offers you with a solution! If you don’t like your child, you can “return” it till up to 2 years after the birth! After all, why should you be the one to suffer from your mistakes, when someone else can?

Be the first to return your child and get to pick another one in our local childstore! We assure you that our collection is of the finest quality and that none of the children have any diseases or bad ethnic backgrounds. We hope to hear from you soon!

The liberal team

Join the army!

I got this E-mail today... thought I'd show you.

Dear sir,

We’ve been informed of your blatant use of 'Uncle Sam Propaganda Image 001' to promote various ideologies. Though we do think Global Warming is a load of crap and that those damn emo’s should stop whining and enlist, we cannot allow you to use our copyrighted material for your own personal needs.

We demand that you stop use immediately and are prepared to drop all legal charges if you use it one last time to promote our army!

General H,
US army

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Anti Global Warming Lobbying

Are you sick of those tree hugging scientists and their fancy graphs and research? Sick of them telling you not to drive your hummer and “save energy”? Do you hate as much as I hate the people who would jeopardize our fabulous economy to save a few billion people and some precious animals and trees?

We want you, to be rich!

Drive your car all you want without extra taxes because it’s a diesel. Screw public transportation as it’s for losers! Let our companies pollute their property just like any other person has the right to put salt on his land!

Help us win the war against “Global Warming”! Because after all, who needs evidence when you’ve got big bucks!?!

Monday, April 9, 2007

Pirates and dancers!

Have you always wanted to travel around the seven seas? Never got the oppertunity eh?
Well good news, your options consist of becoming either a pirate or a dancer.

Are you more of a silly person than a violant boat-jacking person, (not like that...) than check out this .
Pirates should report here.

Become an emo!

Are you shy, sensitive and do you like to write about your feelings using dark or depressing adjectives? Does no one understand you? Want to increase your popularity by hurting yourself or faking a death wish? Do you feel the whole world is against you?

We want you, to be an emo!

Now with extra legal advantages such as black outfits, sharp pointy sticks and a My Chemical Romance CD!

The purpose of Random Crap

Ever wondered how much money and time you'd save if you got crap for free? The gossip in tabloids and various magazines, the cry for attention from all kinds of religious cults, the silly things man does to be noticed, ...,
You've all witnessed how annoying it can be - and if you haven't you're one of them! - and therefore I offer you a solution! I'll give you that crap for free, without taking too much of your time and making you:
- armed against crap (I will do my best to sell my crap and you'll have to be critical against it)
- save money (Why buy magazines or donate money to cults when you can get their crap for free in here!)
- my bitch (This is your first lesson, try to defend yourself from this!)

I know what you're thinking right now, I'm wasting your time... and truthfully, yes I am. But if you don't waste it here than you'll just waste it somewhere else (Unless you're a doctor, Chuck Norris or superman).

Feel free to comment some crap.