Fat Tax

Random Crap has mentioned the Fat Tax earlier in another post, so I'll refresh your memory first before making new points.

Quote:
As globalisation provides us with increasing wealth and trade, our variety in choice of food consumption also grows. Needless to say, we have a lot of fat people these days. These fat prototypes of humans are an excruciating pain in our national budget...

...To secure our world’s beauty, economy and pride we must install a fat tax immediately! For every percentage over 20% fat you’ll have to pay a fine of 1% of your pay check which will be used for a new social weight loss program.

With all of the recent media cover on banning smoking in public areas, or even in bars. A much bigger (very funny) problem gets pushed aside.
A familiar sight is an obese man eating a hamburger wearing the stereotypical fat guy outfit consisting of a sweaty T-shirt and shorts and in some cases a baseball hat aswell. Much have we been horrified by this disgusting yet very common scene. How come we get so repulsed by smokers that we forget about how abhorrent fat people eating near you are? Why doesn't the media or the politicians cover this story?

I'm pretty sure everyone agrees on how much fat people eating smell. I mean with the usual spilling of food on their sweaty shirts and the combination of gasses must lead to an atleast equally disturbing scent as cigarettes. Ofcourse I realise that fat people eating in public doesn't cause cancer to people around them, but doesn't the emotional trauma account for anything? Who wants to see an image of a fat cow eating her lunch on a bench in the city park? And wasn't it proven that cows cause more CO² emissions than any car?

Why won't the media or the politicians cover this topic?

Because a lot of them are a bunch of overweight retards who get elected by equally large bastards to blame the fast food industry for making them fat.
My proposal is simple, you'll just have to live with the fact that there won't be any "special people" seats in the movies, titanium beds in hospitals, forklifts to help you take a dump, and even broader doorways to make the entrance of your disgusting load of fat easier.

To help encourage you to lose weight, we'll use the "lazy poor" system that's currently outdated in most Western economies, but still working fine in countries such as China and the US.
The concept is this. If you're fat, than you are lazy and we will tax the hell out of you for the avarage fat percentage during a fiscal year.

And to answer to a comment of a reader:
" When you were gone, I went outside and thus contributed to global warming.

Think of the planet and post some more random crap!"

If you're fat James, than don't fart... seriously!

Scientific study

As you've all (hopefully) noticed, after The Random Crap post about decreasing its posting activity Random Crap immidiately -- hooray! -- decreased its activity. This however was NOT an act of laziness.
A month ago I decided to make a scientifical study to see what the effect of laziness would have on a blog, and I came across some interesting, yet totally random and obvious facts!

Random Fact #1: The number of pageviews drops really, really hard. Comparing the two active weeks of April to the whole month of May shows a decrease in pageviews of around 300%. And if I'm really bad at calc -- which I am -- than it could be more.
Random Fact #2: There are still some very awesome people who still visit the blog almost on a daily basis, despite the lack in activity.
Random Fact #3: James -- Are you the new Zealander I think you are? Or are you not a New Zealander and just some random guy who's now very creeped out at me mentioning you?
Random fact #4: Apparantly more sites refer to you when you're inactive than when you're active. (anyone know what 'netvibes' is?)

All of these random facts are nothing without a random conclusion, so I've also randomly concluded the following things:

Random Conclusion #1: If you want a lot of pageviews/readers... don't try out the "not-posting" thing.
Random Conclusion #2: James, -- yes, I really hope it's the real James -- I take back all of my comments on you being lazy, eventhough you kinda are
Random Conclusion #3: If you don't care about how many people read your blog, and just want to randomly make the world a dumber place, you can come back at anytime and make up some fake excuse telling you your absence was all in the name of science.

I did this experiment for more purposes than the ones stated above. In my time of absence I have consumed less energy than I would've normally used and have therefore contributed to saving the world from global warming.
So tell me, what have YOU done while I was gone?

Exams

My exams are coming up, so I'll be forced to take a break and hit the books. I'll be back in three months :(
I'll try to atleast weekly come up with something to write.

Layout Feedback

I'm playing with the layout a little bit to see which colors work best... I think I'm going for a lighter skin but I haven't decided yet.
Give me some feedback please :)

Random insult of the week: Jesus

Every week, random crap finds another Random person to insult...

This is one of these topics which are “not done”, but I’m sick of His popularity! It drives me nuts, and it really annoys me!

People thinks he’s so great just because he could turn water into wine. Wow, he can turn water into wine! How convenient at parties and birthdays. But did you ever consider the fact that this encourages our children to drink? Don’t get me wrong, I like to drink some wine on proper occasions as well, but will somebody please think of the children?!? I don’t want my children reading literature which promotes alcohol!

Now if he could turn wine into water, I’d be impressed. Sadly, Jesus apparently found it a lot more fun to use his skills as a form of entertainment, which really disappoints me. I expected more from the Son of God.

The Gay Bomb weapon

As you may all know, the Americans attempted to build a gay bomb back in the 90’s which would make their foes irresistible to each other. After the drop, all men having had contact with the gay bomb would immediately have contact with uhm… other men.

However this weapon was never finished. Or was it? Recent reports proving the opposite have caused public suspicions even within the UN. When asked about the weapon President Bush subtly avoids the question “Gays? Where!?”.

We at the Random Crap news team decided to investigate and have come up with some disturbing news.

A giant wave of homosexuality has been spotted in France. This wave is so huge it could only have come from the gay bomb. Is this the start of a new world war? Probably not, the men of France are currently occupied with other things than waging war and the women are massively emigrating to Germany. Stay tuned for more news!

South Park Episode 09x01

Inspired by the South Park episode 01 of season 09, or “Mister Garrison’s fancy new vagina”, I’ve concluded the following things.

Sometimes people are born in the wrong body, and hence are greatly saddened by this apparently terrible mistake of nature. It’s a really natural thing to want to have a penis instead of a vagina, or the best of both worlds. Luckily for these poor nature-screwed people, there is something called “cosmetic surgery”.

This fantastic ethical business provides you with a new chance, a new beginning. The dawn of a new era as a woman, or a man. If done professionally, no one will notice the difference between you and any other ugly woman meaning you can go out and get your pussy pounded without anyone noticing you’re a dude! For a fair price of a generous 5 figure number, you can change your life, on the outside!

The Cowards!

I found this somewhere on the net… and I think it’s quite easy to state something like that when you haven’t been in such a situation. Anyway, no point doing a satire on this as it’s ridiculous enough on its own.

Spirit of Self-Defense

By: John Derbyshire, National Review Online

As NRO's designated chickenhawk, let me be the one to ask: Where was the spirit of self-defense here? Setting aside the ludicrous campus ban on licensed conceals, why didn't anyone rush the guy? It's not like this was Rambo, hosing the place down with automatic weapons. He had two handguns for goodness' sake—one of them reportedly a .22.

At the very least, count the shots and jump him reloading or changing hands. Better yet, just jump him. Handguns aren't very accurate, even at close range. I shoot mine all the time at the range, and I still can't hit squat. I doubt this guy was any better than I am. And even if hit, a .22 needs to find something important to do real damage—your chances aren't bad.

Yes, yes, I know it's easy to say these things: but didn't the heroes of Flight 93 teach us anything? As the cliche goes—and like most cliches. It's true—none of us knows what he'd do in a dire situation like that. I hope, however, that if I thought I was going to die anyway, I'd at least take a run at the guy.

The earth is flat!

I saw the light. Yes, raw intelligence and persuasion at its best have lead me to believe that the earth is indeed flat. No, not believe… I KNOW for a fact that the earth is flat! NASA and the governments of every single country in the world have fooled us for too long. I will do my utmost best to spread out the word!

If you’re wondering why you’ve never seen a photo of the flat earth model, it’s because NASA fakes all of the round earth pictures. You haven’t seen the giant ice wall holding our atmosphere because it’s being closely guarded too (and we’re not going to complain about air being thinner than ice and therefore leaving the ice wall!). Why on earth would they do such a thing? We don’t know, but we presume it’s money!

What about the stars?

The sun and the moon are each 32 miles in diameter. They circle around the Earth at 3000 miles altitude. Their functions are similar to a spotlight, with the sun radiating hot light and the moon radiating cold light. Being spotlights, they only shine out over a small area. This explains the process of day and night!

All of the problems you still have with this theory that I haven’t yet addressed, you can ask on this splendid forum and I’m sure they’ll be delighted at you taking an interest in their marvellous theory!

Year of the week 1980

Led Zeppelin decides to split up, the geeks are happy with a new star wars film and the United States imposes economical sanctions upon Iran. Yes, it was a really bad year for a lot of people. But there were some positive things about 1980!

Nelson Mandela crushed apartheid… well he tried to… from within a prison. Ooh and then there was John Lennon… who got shot… and died. Ooh and a terrorist attack in Italy… that’s no good either right?

Ok maybe it WAS a bad year, but the good thing was that after 10 years of hell those dreadful tasteless eighties would finally end.